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Saturday, February 15, 2014

HP Sauce is bottled angel tears

I'm not a picky eater, but when I like something, I like the shit out of it to a point some people would refer to as manic or obsessive. I prefer to think of it as a romantic devotion that lasts a lifetime.

I have truly never got sick of a food that I can think of, to the point that I won't eat it again, or even avoid it slightly. HP Sauce is an excellent example of this. When I was about 6 or 7 years old my Grandpa Cliff took two pieces of white bread, toasted them, and instead of putting butter or jam on them, he spread both slices thickly with HP sauce, cold from the fridge, and handed one to me. That was it, I was hooked.

For the uninitiated, HP Sauce is a brown English condiment that is perfect on anything, but especially steak, potatoes, vegetables, shepard's pie, anything that needs a little potent flavour shot comprised of malt vinegar, tomato, dates, tamarind extract, sweetener and spices. It was invented and developed by a British grocer named Frederick Gibson Garton in 1895, and so named because he had heard that an exclusive restaurant in the Houses of Parliment served it. Hence, HP.

Hello, lover:


The truth is probably half rumour and half good marketing: there is a picture of the House of Commons on the bottle, which gives it a classy touch. Consumers took the bait, and bit, hard. Today it is the most popular brown sauce in all of the UK, a place that loves it some brown sauce. It's especially great in cold weather and a little mixed into a Caesar will kick it up a notch. Dipping crispy bacon into it is like touching the face of God.

If you ask an American about HP they might not understand what you're saying, they have ketchup on the table where HP would be in the UK. And as we are caught in the crosshairs of two cultures here in Canada, we oftentimes have both. Another reason it's great to be a Canadian.

An odd bit of trivia: HP and Heinz Ketchup are siblings, made by the same company. I feel like HP is definitely the dark horse of these two sisters, who studied really hard and got a scholarship while Ketchup was dating the captain of the football team. I'm sure family reunions and Christmases are tense in the Heinz house.

Anyway, get some if you don't know what I'm talking about. It's fantastic. You're welcome. 

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