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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Chick-Fil-Gay

We don't have Chick-Fil-A in Canada, but I understand it's pretty popular in the US. Recently its president Dan Cathy announced that he supports traditional marriage, and as such does not support same-sex marriage. This comes on the heels of two other gay rights issues in the media recently: the Oreo cookie controversy, wherein a posted photo of a rainbow-hued cookie supporting gay pride was derided by thousands of anti-gay comments on Facebook; and JC Penney having to defend it's right to choose a gay spokesperson, Ellen Degeneres in the face of a vicious anti-gay backlash.

There is nothing to really argue about when it comes to the existence of homosexuality: it is as old as recorded time. It is part of nature and part of several species. It has been continuously proven again and again by scientists that it is nature, not nurture, that makes a person homosexual. I for one can't believe we are still talking about this. It's not something you can say is right or wrong, it simply is, just like heterosexuality.

When my grandparents were my age, there was also a hot-button marriage issue that polarized the US: Interracial marriage. Those who opposed interracial marriage cited the same reasons for their opposition that present-day gay marriage opponents cite: It is forbidden in the bible, and it will ruin the sanctity of marriage. Interracial marriage became legal all over the United States in 1967, which is a shamefully short amount of time ago.

Before that, it was bible-sanctioned slavery. Marginalization of women. Mistreatment of different ethnic groups. The list goes on.

The Bible has been used in defense of amazingly bigoted and self-serving behavior. You can find anything to oppose if you pick and choose literal passages from the Bible. Regardless of your stance on Christianity, the Holy Bible must be considered from the perspective of the time and culture in which it was written.  As Louis Theroux points out, anti-homosexuality isn't even one of the Ten Commandments. If you're going to be anti-gay, you need to also be anti-shrimp, anti-linen-cotton blends, and give all your money to the poor. Picking and choosing? It doesn't work, let alone make any sense.

But let's remove the religious aspect of this particular brand of bigotry for a moment: We have something called free will. We generally should be self-aware enough by the time we are 25 to realize that we have a choice where/what/who we choose to worship. Is there not something wrong with an interpretation of a religious document that makes people hate other people for what they do in the privacy of their own home? For the way they are born? Are we not evolved enough to be able to walk away from and reject hatred, no matter how it appears?

I for one believe that anything that promotes hatred is foul to the core. I believe that Jesus would be offended at what is being done in his name. I believe that ALL loving relationships are sanctioned by God.

I wonder when our entitlement became so severe that we actually thing we can walk out our front door and never see or hear anything that challenges us, makes us uncomfortable, or bothers us. We could simply walk the other way. Especially in a large city, where we are on top of each other and are forced whether we like it or not to watch and deal with other people. The solution to the problem is to mind our own business. Who I fuck and who fucks me is none of your business. And who fucks you, or how many 11-ways you have? None of my business. Not now, not ever.

So if you want to be involved in preventing something that hurts no one, celebrates diversity and occurs in nature all over, that kills LGBT teens and adults just because the idea of it makes you uncomfortable, then we will observe your choice by being a gorgeous, flagrant example of who we are, who we love, and who we support. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present, the Super-Gay-Chick-Fil-A-Style-Homemade-Southern-Chicken-Sandwich:

2 cups buttermilk
1 tbsp dijon mustard
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 whole chicken, or 6 chicken breasts
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp onion powder
5 cups vegetable oil for frying
Cold dill pickles, sliced
Portuguese buns

Combine buttermilk, mustard, salt and pepper in a bowl and drop in the chicken pieces, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 2-8 hours.

Combine flour, baking powder, garlic and onion powder and remove chicken from the fridge. Coat chicken in flour mixture, then the buttermilk mixture, then the flour again until a thick coating forms. Heat vegetable oil to medium-high and drop pieces in 2 at a time, fry until deep golden brown on both sides, turning a few times. Slice open a fresh bun and place a little mayo, sliced dill pickles, and hot chicken. Consume immediately.


WARNING: Consumption of this sandwich might make you love gay people. And fatty food.

Love thy neighbour, bitches

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