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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Great or Gross?: Bud Light Lime Mojito

Welcome to a new series I'm starting, called Great or Gross? As a marketing person in my professional life, I'm interested in how food is marketed and sold. We have access to cuisine from all over the world, and as new trends emerge in our consumption, so do new products marketed to meet those emerging needs and wants. It's continually evolving, non-stop sales engine. At best, it's interesting to watch and an opportunity to be exposed to new things we never would have found on our own. At worst, it's exposure to GMOs, nasty ingredient lists and underhanded manipulation. How will we know which is which? That's what I'm hoping to find out here. Which lead me to the liquor store to purchase my first product to undergo this analysis: Bud Light Lime Mojito.

Each entry will be assigned a certain number of pros and cons for taste, level of marketing ridiculousness, audacity of claims and offensive/impressive ingredient list. Okay? Okay.

I bought these because they sounded okay and maybe kinda refreshing. Also, I bought them because while most people have fairly developed tastes by the time they're in their 30s, I do not. I am a human goat, I will eat a tin can if it's on the table long enough and I have the palate refinement of a toddler with burned taste buds. I'm no food snob and can almost find the good in any product. I had heard that these things were terrible so I wanted to see if even I thought they were bad.

I poured some BLLM into a glass with a sliced key lime. Bottom's up:

Here's my analysis:

+ 1 PRO for the first sip actually being refreshing. But this could have had more to do with the fact that it's 34 today and I walked from Main street to the West End in the heat. At noon. However, it was not particularly cold, but still refreshing. The lime and mint seemed to be hinted at rather than an integral part of the beer. As someone who likes beer with lemon and beer with tomato/clamato juice, I thought it was good.

+ 1 CON for the second sip being revolting. A LOT more mint the second time around. I like the flavour of lime and think most others do as adding citrus to beer is common, but mint and beer? I couldn't really taste the lime (and I even added my own) because the mint is overpowering. Hoppy mint? Weird.

+ 1 PRO for the alcohol content making it a true light beer: 4%

+ 1 CON for realizing via this stuff there is an ongoing issue I was not aware of: There is no nutitional information or ingredients list required for alcohol. Here is an interesting article on the subject from a stateside perspective. Further investigation to follow.

+ 1 CON for its commercial:

Creative in a someone-put-peanut-butter-in-my-chocolate-someone-put-chocolate-in-my-peanut-butter kind of way. That is to say: Not really. And beer commercials need to get a little more creative. The obligatory girl in a bikini? Yawn.

+ 1 CON points for its tagline: "ARE YOU IN?". In what? In trouble? Incensed? Yes. I am. Because I exchanged money for this product.

+ 1 CON ultimately this product reminded me of a menthol cigarette. I'm a former smoker, and most smokers present and former agree the only time you bust out the menthols is when you're sick. Otherwise, tobacco and mint just don't really mix. Same principle applies here.

+ 1 PRO for creativity. This is an interesting idea and although I don't think it could really be marketable long-term in a pre-bottled format, I think some kind of combo on this level (WAAAAAAAY less mint) might work.

Final Analysis:  MOSTLY CONS. Skip these. Unless you're going to a housewarming of someone you don't like. Then bring 'em

Saturday, July 7, 2012

yo, is this insane?

Before we get into the insane shit, let's make a pizza first so you can have something to snack on while viewing the insane shit:

I've been really into using yeast lately, because it's scientific and tricky and takes time and time is pretty much the only thing I'm rich in these days.

Tenacious C and I went to Zoloft market on a particularly nice day to get some prosciutto, boccocini, arugula, and some long overdue sun (just so you know, this June was the worst June on Vancouver record for rain, and that's saying a lot). I brought it home and made the pizza dough, courtesy of these nice people

Prosciutto, Arugula and Bocconcini Pizza


2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
1 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
2 cups bread flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons white sugar

In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes.

In a large bowl, combine 2 cups bread flour, olive oil, salt, white sugar and the yeast mixture; stir well to combine. Beat well until a stiff dough has formed. Cover and rise until doubled in volume, about 30 minutes.


1 can diced tomatoes
3-5 thin slices of prosciutto

6 leaves arugula
1/2 lemon
5 slices bocconcini
sea salt and fresh cracked black pepper, to taste

Empty the can of diced tomatoes with their juice into a saucepan and heat on medium-high until reduced slightly, about 20-30 mins. Remove from heat and use as your base tomato sauce. Remove dough from bowl and spread into the shape of whatever pan you are going to use to cook your pizza. Spread top with tomato sauce to taste. Layer on prosciutto, bocconcini. Lightly toss arugula with lemon juice and the salt and pepper and add to top. Sprinkle all lightly with olive oil and put in oven preheated to 500. Bake for 15-20 mins or until golden brown.

Now for the insane shit. You all know two things about me: 1) I have no job and therefore lots of time on my hands 2) my fascination with adult male virgins (they exist!). More specifically, I'm interested in the kind of social maladjustment that allows someone to get to the point they are an involuntary adult virgin at an advanced age (over 30). Most specifically, I'm interested in the self-justification (usually denial) these folks adopt in order to deal with their situations. And it has allowed me to make some adjustments in my own thinking. But that's not interesting at all. What is interesting is that some men, who have been denied access to women for myriad reasons, have reasoned it out in their minds that the problem is not specific to them. No. It's specific to half the human population: IE all women. All women are the problem, not them. Wrap your mind around that.

I discovered this while reading an article after my own interaction with a male virgin (I talked about it here) that there is a little something called the Men's Rights Movement. Interesting title, so I looked into it and there is a small group of men that believe that men are the most hard-done-by creatures on the planet and would like this to change. The problem holding them back? Feminism. The world is apparently run by feminists and feminism belittles men and doesn't allow them to be men or something weird like that. That sounds bizarre enough, but that's not even the worst part of it. These men claim to hate feminism, but when you get a few paragraphs in, you realize they just hate women. All women. And the only way (they believe) we can get civilization to advance is by controlling female behavior. All of it. From how we dress to what we do for a living to who we fuck. Everything. There is an overwhelming feeling among the MRM that women are not needed in the workforce at all, so we just need to get back to the kitchen, the world will be better for it. Huh? Basically the big resentment ball, from what I can deduce, works like this:

Women won't sleep with me = that can't possibly be my fault = women are stupid = we should control what they do and who they are attracted to so I don't have to feel bad = that is the ultimate answer = MRM. 


Grab another slice o' pizza and read some of this shit if you don't believe me: 

David Futrelle is the author of Man Boobz, a site that makes fun of all this misogyny. He's a great writer, so I recommend him as an antidote to all this weirdness:

Yes, this is insane. Every part of it. Oh and dudes? Generally well-adjusted women don't like dudes that hate them for having rights and shit. Just sayin'.