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Monday, May 23, 2011

Two virgins of homemade pizza

That ain't no typo.

My colleague and friend Nav invited me to her supper club recently, called the "Hedonistic Dinner Series". She and her good friends Jesse and Sonia get together every couple of weeks and cook something as prescribed by the Paleo diet. I'd never heard of it before, but basically it's eating like Cro Magnon man and getting back to our roots to give our bodies what they need, and one of those things, according to the diet's creator, is getting away from wheat. It's a very interesting idea. More info here: For me, I find it difficult to get away from anything involving food. (as Louis CK says: "why can't you have just one? Fuck you. That's why).

Nav also made some according to a homemade pizza recipe of her mom's, so we could try both:

Nav's Mom's Homemade Pizza


1 and 1/4 teaspoons of yeast. I get the kind that look like beads and let them sit in some sugary hot water for about 15 minutes until they get frothy.

6 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup canola oil, warmed up in the microwave

Mix all of these ingredients together. Cover the dough so that it can sit for several hours, use a container with a lid. Add water as you go along. The dough should not be dry... you want it kind of damp to the touch, but not soggy. It should have the consistency of the marshmallowy stuff in a wagon wheel when you've mixed everything together. Cover and let sit for at least 6 hours.

This recipe makes at least 2 12" pizza crusts. Go to town with your toppings. In our version (virgin) of this recipe Nav used artichoke hearts, black olives, cheese, mushrooms and banana peppers. It was absolutely delicious.

The Paleo version can be found here at the "Everyday Paleo" website: And I must say shockingly that it was equally as delicious, but in a very different way. The crust is much thinner and more brittle; it's a different taste. The two are apples and oranges.

These are great people. We had fun laughing and chatting and agreeing (at least Jesse and I did) that if a social thing ain't gay, then it ain't worth it. One thing Sonia and I unexpectedly had in common (and I don't even know how this came up) was our mutual experience with members of a club I didn't know existed: the adult male virgin. I'm not talking about adult males who abstain from sex for religious or cultural reasons, I'm talking about involuntary celibate males, or incels, as they are also known.

Forgive my ignorance, but I truly did not even consider this as a possibility. Sex is such a common currency in our culture I assumed that if you wanted to have it bad enough, even if you were hideous, you could find a way to do it. Not so! I've wondered how this could be, and I think I have an answer, which Sonia's experience has backed up. At least as far as the two virgins we met could be summed up, this is the problem:

There was nothing wrong with these men physically. They were not ugly or malformed in any way. Where they were malformed was in their sense of entitlement with the opposite sex that was repellent in every possible way. It never occurred to virgin squared (as I will now refer to the two of them) that a woman who has social skills, empathy, and the will to do the work required to get a date off the ground deserves a partner who has social skills, empathy and the will to do the work required to get a date off the ground. In their minds, it was acceptable to be a non-contributing zero and still have a woman pay attention to them. Virgin squared was genuinely baffled when neither Sonia or myself wanted to see them again, and argued about it with us, as though our 'no' was negotiable, or we just didn't realize what we were throwing away.

It was arrogance and entitlement that had sealed their (thus far) fate. And I have sympathy for almost every circumstance in life, but not, absolutely NOT people with entitlement and arrogance. Those two items present in any personality are a poison, and like DDT or asbestos, ones we can do without.

I've become somewhat fascinated with this subject, partly because I just really don't get it. Yes, I get the part about why they are virgins, but I really don't understand how someone can remain blind to this area of social activity well into their 30s. How - with all the exposure to romance and dating and socialization that we are exposed to through the media ALONE - could one not figure out the basics of this kind of thing? How do these people develop?

All I know is that there is a world of hurt on the internet, and some of these incels have joined support groups and commiserate about how women reject them because women are evil. I'm not saying all incels feel this way, but it seems there are a few who do. And I suppose that can't be helped: if something you want success with continually rejects you and you don't know why, isn't it human nature to reject that thing as a form of self-defense? Many of these incel sites are jam-packed with sexism, one even going as far to say that a woman deserves to be raped as sexual access to a live female is a right of any male who is denied sex by regular channels. Aside from the fact that it's an across-the-board repellant notion, it's very curious. They objectify the thing that rejects them to make their own existence more palatable. It's pretty sad, really.

So we scarfed down pizza and mused this subject, ultimately deciding that we hope (although we really dislike both of them) that they can figure their shit out. And if they can't, then they can make pizza!

Making dinner with friends is one of the greatest things I can think of to do in life, and I'm thrilled to say I didn't blow it too much with my new friends and actually got invited back! More to come.


  1. Sonia, Virgin VictimMay 24, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    LOVE THIS! And of course you are welcome back!

  2. I'd like to have 2 Virgins!

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