Search This Blog

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Fax Jam!!!!!

Permission to freak out: People who are unreasonably attached to dead or dying technology annoy. WHY. WHAT THE FUCK FOR. Are you seriously afraid of new shit so much that you have to hang on to the old shit even though you know it sucks and there must be a better alternative?

Case in point: Fax machines. Even when they were new, they still pretty much sucked. They're fussy, they drop all over the floor, they aren't secure, you can't trace them, their quality is bad. I could go on. In the course of my job, I fill out a lot of forms that need to be returned. I need proof that they have been sent and received. Scanning a document to email is roughly 10,000 times more efficient in this regard than faxing. This is not an unreasonable or (I imagine) uncommon business request, surely to God other people need it too. Very occasionally, I will encounter a department or group of departments that has decided that they would rather strap themselves to the fax machine - technology's Titanic - and go down with the ship than embrace something better.

Today, I called such a department and asked them if I could email in my forms rather than fax. I was given (reluctantly) the personal email of an employee. I sent. I filed. All was well. Until I received this:

Hi Ginger,

It is very important that you return the forms to the fax number that is listed.  I cannot take these over email.



Are you fucking kidding me? Why? Seriously dude, WHY? I was really tempted to write back the following:

Hi ______,

I just faxed back your materials to you as requested. By the way, what do you think of President Clinton? Personally I would have voted for Ross Perot, at least he's a businessman who has experience in running large entities, but I like Clinton, I think he will put an end to the Gulf War!

What are you up to this weekend? I'm going to watch this new show called The Simpsons. It's pretty good actually, but it's not everyone's taste. If it's nice I'm going to go for a rollerblade around the park and listen to the new Color Me Badd on my Walkman. Or go to the movies, A Few Good Men is playing and I'm dying to see it.

Anyway, have a good one if I don't talk to you before then!


P.S. WAIT! It's not 1992, what am I talking about? I must have forgotten what year it is because of your ridiculous request to return items to you by fax. I love time traveling! Also because it reminds me of antiquated folks like you who refuse to embrace new technology. I bet you still have a BetaMax. Seriously dude.

P.P.S. I was 13 in 1992. I'm sure you were 35, but still.

P.P.P.S. Fuck you.

Okay, rant over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

I was bitching loud and clear about this in the office, and we decided that the best thing you could use a fax machine for is to use the receiver to mash fruit to make jam. Which reminded me of my mother's jam, she used to make it out of whatever excess fruit we had growing in our yard in White Rock, usually rhubarb. Then I got to thinking about rhubarb and how much I used to love eating it right off the bush in our backyard. There is a sweet/sour crunchiness about it that is so textural and delicious. Then I got to thinking about making a rhubarb crisp, another fave of my moms. A bit of a stretch, yes? But now you understand my stream of consciousness a little better. Lucky you.

Rhubarb Crisp

1 cup brown sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup quick cooking rolled oats
1/2 cup melted butter
1 tsp cinnamon
4 cups sliced rhubarb (or rhubarb mixed with strawberries)
1 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup water
1 tsp vanilla

In a mixing bowl, combine brown sugar, flour, oats, butter and cinnamon and mix together until crumbly. Press half of the mixture into the bottom of an 8 inch square pan. Top with the sliced rhubarb or rhubarb mixture.

In a saucepan combine granulated sugar, cornstarch, water and vanilla and boil until clear, stirring often with a whisk. Pour over rhubarb. Top rhubarb with remaining crumb mixture and bake at 350 for 45-55 minutes.

This version is much sweeter than my mom used to make, I might even advise taking down the sugar a bit if you are going to incorporate strawberries (which I had to because the rhubarb at Kin's was short and had erectile dysfunction. It was the wimpiest rhubarb I've ever seen). I ate too much of this nervously in front of the TV watching Game 7, Canucks vs. Blackhawks. I thought I might pee my pants when Chicago scored with a minute and a half to go in the last period. WHAT. THE. FUCK. The streets fairly exploded in my neighbourhood when we won though. I took the rest of this crisp into work and renamed it "Chicago's Humble Pie". It was devoured by all.

How's the humble pie, Chicago? Is it fresh? Don't feel bad. Here, have this:


  1. OMG!!! This post takes the cake (ummm I mean crisp) You are seriously funny! Great looking fax machine by the way. hee hee

  2. Thanks for this post! i really enjoyed reading it!!!

  3. Nice! Thanks a lot for this post.

  4. Supermodel Karen Elson once again starred louis vuitton replica Kurt Geiger advertising large, laid-back image of the previous quarter and the difference is that this time Karen Elson giving her red hair, wearing a red cartier replica cape, covered with Kurt Geiger2014 around gucci replica autumn and winter series of red bag, lying fallen leaves on the ground in full. Large full color screen strong sense, as if like a fairy chanel replica tale about the autumn, while in another photo, Karen Elson wearing an elegant black cape covered with fallen leaves lying on the hublot replica grass, and the head of red hair and feet red high heels on a stark contrast.

  5. The second-year Bears wideout wholesale jerseys shop -- who missed his entire Carolina Panthers Jerseys rookie season -- was officially deemed questionable to play jerseys store against the Texans cheap sale jerseys on Chicago's injury report Friday.

    White was out all of 2015 with a NFL Jerseys stress fracture after being made the No. 7 Denver Broncos Jerseys overall pick in last year's draft. White first popped up on the Bears' injury report new nike nfl jerseys on Thursday.