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Saturday, January 29, 2011

She wore red velvet

Moar cupcakes! Moar!

Amanda and Nadine (two of the five girls of the Eastern Bloc) shared a birthday on January 27, and I decided to go over the top and make a really decadent cupcake, complete with rose petals and cream cheese frosting. Because these ladies are like a L'Oreal commercial: They're worth it. (I just made myself vomit)

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing and Candied Rose Petals

First, you will need to assemble the rose petals. Any rose will do, as long as it is rinsed thoroughly to remove any pesticides that may remain on the petals.

Dip each petal in an egg white wash and place on a piece of parchment paper on top of a cookie sheet. Then, dip each coated petal in a bowl of sugar, covering both sides, and place on the parchment to dry. Let them dry for about an hour, then begin to bake the cakes, by the time the rose petals are ready to be applied they should be dry.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
2 tablespoons red food colouring
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, line muffin pan with cupcake papers. In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food colouring, vinegar, and vanilla with an electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth. Fill cupcake papers until 2/3 full, bake for 20-22 mins, checking with a toothpick. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

Cream Cheese Icing

2 containers light cream cheese
1 1/2 cups icing sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Beat the cream cheese until smooth, then add the icing sugar and vanilla extract. Beat until slightly whipped. Once the cakes are cooled apply icing with a piping bag or butter knife. I chose to use a butter knife to make it look more homemade. Place one or two candied rose petals on top.

While making these cakes, I made an important discovery which I will share with you now. As a 7 year resident of the West End and a fag hag since I was 15, I feel I am qualified to make the following statement: Red Velvet cake is Gay. GAY. It's the pride rainbow of cakes. Below is what I'm talking about.




This recipe is from that fabulous crazy-eyed broad Paula Deen, and I generally have blind faith that all her recipes are golden. But her red velvet cake recipe, followed to the last detail by me, looks more fabulous fuchsia than blood red velvet, the kind of Steel Magnolias fame (remember the armadillo grooms cake? A fab young Julia Roberts? The goddess that is Dolly Parton? Fuck I love that movie). I even added more food colouring that she calls for after I realized it was the gayest colour on earth, and it stubbornly stayed the same. Whatevs. As I've said for years, gay is the way.

Pretty, no?

And while we're on the subject of colour, it's recently been brought to my attention that I've been leaving a trail of red lipstick on basically everything I touch, like a whorish trail of bread crumbs:

I don't really know why I'm mentioning this. I guess it goes with the cupcakes? Same colour? What? Nothin'. It also occurred to me that these would make great Valentine's Day treats, if you happen to observe VD day. We all mowed down on these cakes and had a lovely birthday afternoon. Annnnnnnddd, it's my birthday tomorrow, so I guess I kind of made them for me too. That sounded awful, didn't it? Ah well. I'm a bitch, but ya love me.


  1. These cupcakes were absolutely devine!! Thank you so much for making them. I hope you have the best birthday ever too! :D

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