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Monday, September 27, 2010

Pastafail

So I had these big plans for an awesome Sunday dinner that I could cook then write about, and I wanted it to be something I had never cooked before. So I went to the market and got fresh pasta, garlic, onion, lemon, and most importantly, pre-frozen clams that were packed that day. I thought with a splash of white wine, this would be delish. I bought a baguette still warm from the oven with the idea of making garlic toast to go along with it. I brought the whole mess home and proceeded to cook.

Now, I don't want to sound like an asshole, but I rarely fail in the kitchen. That's not to say that I don't make frequent mistakes, but even those usually come out okay. The first thing I noticed was that the clams were taking a very long time to cook, and were getting hotter and watery-er as time went by. Also, I have never cooked fresh pasta before so I threw it in the water figuring it was like regular pasta. Wrong. So while the fresh pasta is cooking and the clams are getting weirder I put in the garlic toast. It was to become the only edible part of the meal.

I ran off some of the water that was, I thought, the problem. Things became less watery but no less appetizing. I waited a little longer then took it off the heat, and drained the pasta. I poured the clams and garlic on top of the pasta and took a bite, and it's gotta be one of the worst things I've ever tasted. I gagged. It tasted like low tide. It tasted like garbage juice. It was revolting. And because I overcooked the fresh pasta, it was like low tide on top of glue. I haven't figured out exactly what happened with those little clam bastards because I've never cooked them before. I'm sure google will solve this problem, and I will try them again, but maybe fresh ones, and after I know what I'm doing. Blah.

Fresh bread covers a multitude of sins, and after the delicious garlic toast, I dipped the still-warm baguette in oil and balsamic and watched Mad Men. Now THAT's how you salvage an evening. You have to go on a lot of bad dates to know how to do this, so that makes me a fucking expert. 

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