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Saturday, September 18, 2010

Garlic = balls

I enjoy garlic because it looks like balls. Correct me if I'm wrong:

This is an unusual circumstance wherein us gals like our men to be average. Huge balls freak us out. Small balls make us think you're a wuss. Average balls are where it's at because we can take note of them and forget them, just like we like it (oh, good, normal. That's all we think). Your balls aren't exactly what we're into (eh? ehhhhhh? boom shakka lakka).

Now boys before you get testy about your testes, this post is all about celebrating food that is vaguely ball-shaped. And what could be better (or more ball shaped) than garlic?

Oh my fuck do I love this shit. I could eat whole raw cloves of it and never get overwhelmed. I could, and have, roasted dozens of cloves of it at a time, getting up in the middle of the night to eat more. Some day there will be a name for a passion as disordered as mine, but until then, let's eat more garlic:

Garlic Pasta
5 cloves garlic
1/4 white onion
2-3 oyster mushrooms
2 tablespoons flat-leaf parsley
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1-2 servings spaghettini

They say the best dishes are those that have few ingredients. I don't know about that, but I do know that it is a crime that more dishes don't showcase garlic as this one does. I like to chop my five cloves in different ways, some minced, some sliced, some mashed. Feel free to mix up garlic types too, elephant, organic purple, regular (and if you know a dude that has elephant garlic sized balls, call me. Seriously. I have to see). Fry 'er up with the onion for 3-4 mins, and take a deep breath, because this is the best smell on earth:

add the mushrooms, last add the parsley. Get it all in there together, add your pre-cooked pasta. Salt and pepper to taste. A little cheese on top never hurt anybody. Now that's ballsy.

(PS, Martha has a slightly more complicated version of this where she adds roasted garlic. That sounds good and all, but Martha can suck it)


  1. The idea behind this article Garlic = balls is excellent,

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